fall on your knees

please tell me that i'm not the only one who tears up at the "fall on your knees" part in "oh holy night".

i swear. every. single. time.

"O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!"

no time

none at all.
i mean really.
these babies take all of my time (as it should be) and lately i just don't have the time to blog.

bear with me.

there are so many things to share and just not enough time in the day.

but what i DO have time for is snuggling cora before naptime.

hearing liam try to say "my name is liam"

watching garland explode into a world of communication.

seeing liam try to keep up.

hearing cora whine because she's ready to be grown up.

watching my boy figure words and phrases out.

this life is nuts.

and i love every second of it.

sorry for the lack of posts, but my kids are to blame.
and i'm okay with that. ;)

my playlist

i can't figure out how to post it. wah!

help???

everytime i try to post it, it goes to a generic one...

ETA: and i just erased my whole post from last night.

man, i am so technically challenged....

i'm surprised i've made it this far. lol.

ETA AGAIN: it is super hard to blog with a squirmy baby in your lap grabbing at the keyboard.

ETA AGAIN (wonder how many times i'll do this today): the wonderpets are kindof entertaining.

ETA AGAIN: so, the original post was about music. and how i had forgotten how much i love it. i listen to "blue's clues" and "the backyardigans" so much that i hardly ever have time to listen to the good stuff.

i have a really broad spectrum of music that i love (timmy makes fun of a few of the songs that i like...lol) because i feel like music is a reminder of where i've been, where i am right now and what i'm headed towards.

i like a song that makes me bust a good one. or cry really hard. or raise my hands towards Jesus. or fall on my face.

i like songs about love because i'm there. i like songs about heartbreak because i've been there.

i like songs that remind me of my friends. times spent together. travel.

my playlist isn't filled with only uplifting songs. nope. because that's not real life. i like to feel everything, so it's filled with my faves.

one of my co-workers said last night, "a life without music is meaningless" or something like that. i don't know that i would say "meaningless" but i sure have missed it for the past few years.

ahhh. glad to be back. can't wait to see what i've missed.

food food!

eeeps! it's menu time again...my favorite day.

our csa box was filled with plenty of fall goodies this week...here is what i plan on doing:

tim smoked a HUGE brisket earlier this week (it was an add-in meal from last weeks menu) and it is amazingly yummy. we have a ton of leftovers, so today i have some in the crock pot on low with some beef broth. in a few hours i'll add some carrots, parsnips and celery and let it get just perfect. i'll serve it with some braised greens and some warm bread. slurp.

timmy has a hankerin' to use the rest of the brisket and make a big batch of cowboy chili on the grill (in a cast iron pot) so he will be doing that and i'll make a batch of jalepeno colby cornbread. (farmer chad, we love that cheese!) we'll have a tiny salad along with it...you know, just because. we'll freeze a few small batches for lunches and nights when i'm working.

i now have 2 big butternut squash, so i'm going to make butternut curry soup that jen posted a few days ago. it sounds amazing! plus a nice big salad with seasonal greens, purple peppers, carrots, celery and some homemade cheddar garlic croutons. drool.

we also got a beauty of a napa cabbage in the box. it is so pretty!
i'm planning on making Chinese Cabbage Rolls with a few variations on the stuffing using whatever veggies i have leftover in the fridge. i might use ground sausage instead of ground turkey. can't decide.
so we'll serve those babies with some brown rice, the last of the pickled veggies and of course, hot tea. chopsticks anyone?

the sweet potatoes with become babyfood this week and also snuck into some GFCF pancakes for my monkey boy.

and that wraps it up, folks.

i'd better get back to the kitchen!

regression? or not?

i had a good face-to-face talk with my friend jennifer and also my friend kara today. also some folks at work and especially the hubby.

i was thinking that liam was regressing.

my mind was starting to get stressed about it (what is he eating that isn't right for him...etc) but i saw a new light today, if you will.

hear me out.

liam is actually PROgressing.

he is being a typical 3.5 year old in his actions and his will.

the past few days the kid has been sticking up for himself. passionately.

well, my mind immediately thinks it's the "autism" rearing its head. i label him. i think that he isn't capable of expressing what he really feels.

maybe, but just *maybe* he is getting it.

but this kid is fighting hard. fighting the battle of not enough words and too many emotions.

can i get an amen?

i feel that daily.

this kid is sensitive. so am i.

this kid rages against injustice. so do i.

this kid loves every person that comes in his path...as long as you don't push him for words. i am the same.

regression?

nope.

i don't think so.

i think we have a fireball on our hands.

this kid has it going on.

now to know how to fan the flame? that's the hard part.

oh goodness.

my heart is rejoicing tonite.

he's GETTING IT!!!

good days and bad days

we have had a few of those "bad days" lately.

if any mama of an autistic child hears me right now, please say "amen"

i need it.

ups and downs...highs and lows.

i KNOW that is the deal. i KNOW IT.

but my friends, it is hard when you really *really* want to sleep and your precious first child wakes you with a desperate need for something....*something* that is not expressed with words.

i truly envy the mamas that have a child that wakes them with "i'm scared" or "my PJs don't fit right" or "i had a bad dream"...

because tonite our liam has us up and we cannot figure out why.

he doesn't have the words.
he wants to have them and feels almost ashamed that he cannot express what he feels.

i ran to his side tonite and all i got in return was a plea for "juice". maybe he was thirsty? was he really? or did he say that because that is all he knows how to say???

kids his age would just say why, but we're asking all the wrong questions and getting nothing in return.

nights like this leave me feeling helpless.

and then i wake up and remember that life is worth living.
and that my liam will one day...ONE DAY...have a voice.

oh mamas.
please keep my heart in your prayers because it is breaking tonite.

Father God, please heal my boy.

food this week

i love thursdays because i get to pick up my csa box, milk, cheese, eggs, meat and then take it all home and stare at it all afternoon trying to decide what i'm going to make.

i *really* enjoy cooking.
i guess it's just an expression of my creativity and also the chance to take care of others in the process.
and especially this whole "seasonal cooking" thing that i've been doing.
it's like a fun puzzle that i get to put together since we never know in advance what we're getting in our box...or what kinds of meat farmer chad has that day.

anyway, i planned my meals today and here's what we're eating...

THURS:
broiled asian tilapia, fried rice made with csa veggies and farm eggs, roasted carrots

FRI:
grilled cheese and TJ's roasted red pepper and tomato soup (tim works)

SAT:
country fried steak with milk gravy, garlic mashed potatoes, braised greens

SUN:
grilled sirloin steak, roasted parsnips, salad

MON:
black bean and sweet potato enchiladas, salad

TUES:
leftovers (i work)

WED:
leftovers (i work)

yummy. i'm getting hungry just thinking about it.

i also have a butternut squash that i'll turn into babyfood or just puree it and freeze in cubes to sneak into mac and cheese. ;)

i know i work for the company...

...but seriously folks.

starbucks peppermint mocha twist really makes me giddy.

it is so good.

i LOVE the holidays!!

pickles, babyfood and my favorite "nightcap"

is anyone else enjoying the fall as much as i am?

i've always been a warm weather person, but something changed inside of me this year and i am embracing the changing seasons.

maybe it's because i love God, my house, husband, kids, job and the fire that burns in my fireplace every morning and every night.

anyway, i've been doing some fun stuff in the kitchen lately.

getting this CSA box each week really challenges me to make the most of everything i get and not let anything go to waste.

we got a bunch of radish (radishes?) in our box last week and i'm not too fond of raw radish. or so i thought. it seems that farm fresh radish is much sweeter than the store bought kind. so, maybe i will love them from here on out.

i also had some leftover cucumber and purple bell pepper, so i sliced everything up really thin and made up a mixture of rice vinegar, white vinegar, water, sugar, salt, pepper, minced garlic and some dill.
i heated the liquid up just a bit to dissolve everything and then added my veggies.
pop it all into a sealed container and put in the fridge.
it has been in there for a day now and mmmmmm. yummy!!

the other thing i did this week was continue to make homemade baby food.
(soooooo easy i'm sure many of you already do this)

last week i roasted a free range chicken from farmer chad and timmy picked all the meat off of it while i was at work. (it still had the neck on!!)
we used the meat for a few things and then i used the rest for my babyfood concoction.

i diced up a few apples from the CSA box, added some shredded kale from the box and then the shredded chicken. i poured some apple juice (diluted) over the whole thing and poured it in my crockpot on low.
then i wrapped up the sweet potatoes that we got in our box in tin foil and put it in the same crockpot to get soft.
when the potatoes were done, tim scraped the insides into the pot and when it was all good and soft, i buzzed it up in the food processor.

to store it, i poured the mixture into ice cube trays to freeze in individual portions.
i'll pop them out into a ziploc freezer bag and keep them in the freezer for easy heat-up. cora LOVES it!!

now, onto my new drink concoction.

winter always makes me want a nightcap before bed.
something to warm my tummy and make me nod right off.

here is my newest favorite.

a shot of good brandy
a few pumps of starbucks cinnamon dolce syrup
fresh milk (about 3-4oz) (we get ours right from farmer chad's cow...cream and all!)

serve warm or over ice. top with allspice.

deeeee-lish.

anybody else cookin' anything good????

cooking at 3am??

yes, that is what i'm doing.

why???

well, a few reasons.

my super wonderful hubby works his patooty off from 9am on friday until 2pm on saturday.
yes, right on through.
he takes a little nap somewhere in there, but Lord knows that he works his behind off to get that paper out.
this is the life of a wife to an editor.

i suppose i was born for it.

my dad did it. my grandfather did it. my great and great and great grandfather did it.

it's in my blood.

so what does a good wife do to show her support? (especially when she rarely READS the paper that he puts out??)

well, good golly, she cooks the whole crew a batch of homemade lasagna.

i mean, what brings people together better than that?


so, i'm up at 3am cooking a good batch and i'm loving it.

i used my regular recipe, but i added in spicy ground pork and some kale from the CSA box.

life feels better when i'm doing something to bless another person.

try it. you might like it.

back to basics

i just don't understand why so many people don't "get" that what our country needs is to get back to basics.

i mean, like what our forefathers believed in.

hard, honest work.
true belief in God.
dedication to family.
honesty with friends.
selflessness.
pure acts of kindness.
taking care of the orphans and widows.
freely giving as freely we have recieved.
not killing those who cannot speak for themselves.
living within our means.
buying locally.
supporting artisans.
bartering instead of racking up debt.
using our skills for work instead of working meaningless jobs.

i could go on and on.

change is good, but sometimes a certain kind of change is detrimental.
to our country and to our lives.
to the future generation that we are raising.

back to basics is what i believe.

we're heating our home mostly with fire this winter, so i spent the evening gathering firewood from our yard...and teaching the kids how to gather pinecones for kindling.

i also bought some from a pastor that lives in the woods behind us.
yes. in the woods.
he and his wife have lived on that land for 45 years.
they married when she was 14 and he was 17.
they had five kids.
they built their own amazing log home overlooking the lake that they fish in.
she runs a country cooking restaurant and he helps her there.
he also pastors a little church and sells firewood on the side.

i have struck up a friendship with this man and i have to say that they live simple, love much and are two of the happiest people i have ever met.

i was telling him how we want eight kids and hope to maybe have a farm one day and he gave me the best compliment that i've heard in a long time...

he said that the day he first met me, he went to his wife and told her that he met a young lady that reminded him *exactly* of her when she was my age.

back to basics folks.

you will be the happiest you have ever been.
just watch.

visit from brother-in-law!

yay!

we get the honor of hosting tim's brother, brian, for breakfast tomorrow!

oh how i love to cook a good breakfast for a guest.

here is the menu:

~sage ground sausage, diced sweet onion and diced potatoes...all sizzled up together
~eggs sunny side up (from my dear friend katie's own chickens!)
~grits with raw cheddar cheese from our local farmer
~OJ spritzers
~french press coffee

who else is coming?
i'll set you a plate. ;)

the CSA box

okay, bear with me while i ramble a bit.

do you support your local farmers? i mean the ones that really put true sweat and blood into their crop like your great-great-great grandpa did?

they are few and far between these days, but they are out there.

support them for crying outloud!

okay enough of that. ;)

in my box this week:

~head of some kind of green (guessing bok choy)
~head of another green (no idea but it was tasty)
~head of red leaf lettuce
~head of romaine (?) lettuce
~2 sweet purple peppers (beautiful, BTW)
~a few apples
~an acorn squash

did i miss something jen?

okay the plan...

i used the greens tonite. they were amazing. see the previous post.

i am planning on making an acorn squash soup to be served with multigrain rolls that were donated to us. but i'll add some broccoli that needs using and top it with our fresh raw cheddar from farmer chad.


the two heads of lettuce will be used with the two purple peppers to make a simple salad.

the apples will be sliced to go along with the yummy raw cheddar as a snack.

this food tastes so good because i know where it came from.
yes, it's a little pricey, but i love love love supporting local farmers when i can.
they have a dream too, folks and they are living it!
plus, we really cannot take the chance of pesticides getting into liam's system.

i hope you enjoy my weekly post on the box because i love planning it out. :)

love...H

dinner friday

well, timmy is working a long one, so it's just me and the kids tonite.

i decided that i needed to start cleaning out all the leftovers in my fridge and pantry, so here is what i came up with...

we had some leftover (tim-grilled) ribs in the freezer that i needed to use up.
so i tossed some root veggies (baby potatoes, baby carrots, onion) into the bottom of my trusty crockpot. added a few shakes of s&p, some garlic powder, a few oz of veggie broth. i topped the veggies with the thawed ribs and it's cooking away on low.
smells yummy!!

i'm also going to make some braised greens since we got a ton of them in our CSA box this week. i'll sautee them up with some crushed garlic, onion, s&p, dash of hot sauce and some EVOO.

speaking of my CSA box, i'm going to start a weekly post of what i got and what i plan to do with it. should be fun.

i'll do this weeks post maybe later tonite...if i get around to it. ;)

what's on your plate tonite??

quick cleanse

cleansing is good for the soul...it's also good for the body. ;)

i've been feeling a little sluggish lately and like my system is getting bogged down with allergies and icky stuff, so i'm doing a quick cleanse.

i'm starting with one day...tomorrow. just a quickie.

i may continue it a few more days, but i tend to set these mile-high goals for myself and then crash and burn.

so, one day.
baby steps and all.

i'm doing the arden's garden cleanse. you can buy it premade at harrys (which is what i did) or you can make it yourself.

anyway, i'll let you know how it goes.

wish me luck!!

the trampoline

oh my goodness.
we are so blessed.

our neighbor, who happens to be our landlord, just GAVE!! us a trampoline for liam.
yep. just gave it to us.

for some kids this might be just a fun thing to have, but for US it's a form of therapy for our sensory-seeking little man.

let me tell you about today...

i held liam off until the two littles were napping because there isn't a net around the thing and liam is sure to bounce his sister right off, so i waited.
well, the time came and i let him loose.
friends, this kid spent 3 hours out there this afternoon.
THREE HOURS!!!

he would bounce and bounce.
when he got tired he would lay there and look up at the trees.
a few times i even caught him singing praise songs while running around on it.

there is nothing. NOTHING. that will bring tears to a mama's eyes faster than seeing her son loving life and loving God at the same time.
he was singing "HOLY HOLY HOLY" and then crashing down on himself while laughing his guts out.
i stood on the porch and cried tears of thankfulness and complete joy.
i saw my son in a place that he was free. FREE!
free from the stress of not being like others.
free from the burden of not being able to talk and relate.
free from everything.
he was praising God because he felt great joy.

thank you, silvia.
your gift has touched our hearts on so many levels.
and now our boy has an escape.
an escape that is much needed.
and we are SO grateful.

grace

when you see a mama with lots of littles, please do not ask her if she knows "what causes that".

because likely, that mama already has enough on her plate.

likely, that mama is working her butt off to help support her family.

likely, that mama takes great pride and joy in the littles that you see as a burden.

likely, that mama is feeling the need to be perfect in a broken world and is doing her very best to shape and form her babies in the way God has called her.

are there exceptions to this? yes!

but is it something that you need to make her feel less of a woman about? no.

grace is a wonderful thing.

it is what God gives us every. single. day.

verses about grace

did you pray for your children and your spouse today?

the power of prayer is so amazing.
how much effort does a prayer take? not much.
how much effect does a prayer have? countless effects.

think about the ones you love that are being shaped and formed each minute and zero in on the areas that YOU see a need for change.
don't harass them.
don't make them feel small.
PRAY for them.
and then sit back and watch what happens.

i have been making an effort to do this lately and the changes i have seen in such a short time are amazing.

you will be amazed too.

don't know where to start?

here ya go:

for children

for your spouse

may you be blessed in ALL walks of your life and experience GOD in everything that you do.

amen.

MOTHER WARRIORS!!

oh yes we are!!

i am so excited about jenny mccarthy's new book.

read it!!! feel it!! let me know what you think.

i am putting it off (to my dismay) because i need to get into it and feel it...like i do...and i just don't have the luxury of down time right now. that's okay...it will happen!

here is another fellow "autie angel" mama's review:

granolachic

if you have a family member with autism, a friend with a child who is autistic or are interested in autism at ALL then run and get it. get it and read it. let the stories and words seep into your being and then begin understanding why autie mamas do what they do.
support us.
we desperately need you.

much love...

a day in the life (true story of 09/24/08)

12:15am - set my alarm for 4:00am, go to bed.

4:51am – my cell phone wakes me up…”heather where are you?” quick realization that I’ve slept through my alarm “I’ll be there in 10 minutes!!!”

5:02 am – arrive at starbucks “heather your shirt is on inside out” crap.

5:03 am – shirt on correctly, bust our butts and somehow manage to open on time

5:30 am – Ding! “welcome to starbucks, what can we get started for you?” repeat 5 or so times directly afterwards.

6:15 am – loud crash outside. I run out and realize there has been a huge crash just outside our store. I run to the scene and help one of the drivers out of the passenger side. The driver’s side was completely busted in and she’s bleeding. I yell “CALL 911” to my co-worker and escort the lady across the intersection to our store. It’s still dark out and cars are whizzing by. She is in shock. Another man stops and helps the other lady. I bring her up to the patio and my co-worker rushes out with the first aid kit.

6:45am!! - ambulance, fire truck, police etc arrive and we run back inside

6:50am – Ding! “welcome to starbucks” steam milk, pull shots, pour coffee, sell oatmeal “hope you enjoy your day”

7:00am – backed up traffic = cranky customers…try to keep a smile on.

7:15am – another couple of co-workers arrive and butt heads over everything. I diffuse petty arguments left and right…proving that I am, indeed, a mom.

8:00am – my shift supervisor and I have a misunderstanding. She snaps my head off. I secretly want to dress her in steamed soy, but instead ask if we can discuss the issue politely when we aren’t in a rush. Agreed.

8:15am – my pits remind me that I have forgotten to put on deodorant. crap. Ding! “welcome to starbucks” repeat a million times. Seriously.

10:45am – shift supervisor realizes on her own that she misunderstood and she apologizes. I forgive. Hug. Run out the door.

11:00am – kiss my babies, kiss my hubby. Chat on the phone with kel.

11:15am – I nurse cora while checking a few emails. Tim showers.

11:30am – toss kids around, put on a load of laundry. I ask tim if he’ll grill some chicken tonite. He says yes and pulls some out of the freezer to thaw.

11:45am – kiss tim and send him off to work

11:50am – feed kids lunch while singing “oldmacdonald” countless times at their request

12:00pm – change THREE poopy diapers. Put cora down for a nap.

12:30pm – tidy house up and make a mental note of the projects to get done today

1:00pm – mother’s helper arrives. I send her down to play with the kids. They are thrilled and I say a quick prayer of thanks that they are bonding. Life is looking up. I relish some alone time upstairs and make myself a quick lunch.

1:10pm – begin to unwind.

1:15pm – CRASH! I hear liam screaming bloody murder and run to the scene. He has a knot the size of a golf ball between his eyes and he is in out of control panic mode. “oh Lord oh Lord!” he has fallen off the swing in our basement and hit his head square between the eyes on a table. It’s huge and bruised already in the 0.5 seconds it takes me to make it to him. I access the situation, cannot get him under control, he starts to try to fall asleep and I do my best to keep him awake. Change another poopy (cloth) diaper. “Father God I need You”

1:20pm – I call tim to come home

1:30pm – we head to the nearest urgent care. They don’t accept our insurance. Crap.

1:35pm – head to urgent care #2…it’s no longer urgent care. Crap.

1:50pm – arrive at urgent care #3. Exam. Tears. MAJOR meltdown. (it’s hard when you’re 3 and you are scared, in pain and you don’t have the ability to express what you feel)
“keep an eye on him. If you see any of these signs go directly to the hospital. I think he is fine”

3:45pm – stop at the train shop to pick out a treat for such a rough afternoon. He is happy. “Thank you, Lord.”

4:00pm – send tim back to work

4:05pm – load all three kids in the van plus the mother’s helper to take her home. Drop her off and tell her not to worry, it wasn’t her fault. (she felt awful)

4:20pm – get some fries all around and a coke for me for heaven’s sake!

4:22pm – realize that the tank is on empty (sigh)

4:26pm – get in the 24-car long gas line and wait.

4:45pm – still waiting

5:15pm – still waiting. Cora starts to fuss. Call tim and ask if there is a better option since I need gas for liam’s vision test first thing tomorrow. He says he’ll take the van tonite and wait. “you’re awesome…thanks”

5:16pm – head home

5:30pm – feed the kids dinner

6:00pm – tim arrives home and I take cora in our bedroom to nurse, we both fall asleep.

7:00pm – CRASH! Garland is screaming. She has pulled the baby gate that I put on our bedroom door onto herself while trying to find me.

7:05pm – (yelling to tim) “I CAN’T DO THIS ON 3 HOURS OF SLEEP!!!!” I snap. It has just been all too much. (and really I got 4 hours and 36 mins of sleep, but it sure felt like 3 when I was yelling it) I retreat to the laundry room (???) to gather my brains.

7:06pm – tim comforts garland in a sweet daddy way

7:07pm – “tim, I really need to just get in the shower for a bit and collect myself.” he agrees.

7:45pm – emerge from the shower a much better mom…seek garland out and give her some really fun mama time to make up for the snap in my behavior. Try to ice liam’s head again.

8:05pm – put older two kids to bed with kisses and snuggles

8:10pm – tim informs me that he’s put the chicken back into the fridge and brings me a grilled cheese sandwich, cut just the way I like it and a mug of beer. He instinctively retreats to the playroom to watch TV so I can unwind without the TV blaring. “thank you God for my husband”

9:00pm – tim emerges from the basement asking…
TIM: “why do they call them ‘separate corners’ anyway? I mean, aren’t all corners separate?”
ME: “I have no idea, babe. Good question”
TIM: “I mean seriously. It’s a boxing term. What are the guys gonna do…retreat to the SAME corner, snuggle and then go back to beating the heck out of each other?”
ME: “well, hon. That’s kindof what WE do.”
We bust a gut laughing. Like really laughing hard.
TIM “I love you babe”
ME: “love you too”
We toast with beer mugs and comment on how crazy our life is these days.