Wednesday, November 12, 2008

good days and bad days

we have had a few of those "bad days" lately.

if any mama of an autistic child hears me right now, please say "amen"

i need it.

ups and downs...highs and lows.

i KNOW that is the deal. i KNOW IT.

but my friends, it is hard when you really *really* want to sleep and your precious first child wakes you with a desperate need for something....*something* that is not expressed with words.

i truly envy the mamas that have a child that wakes them with "i'm scared" or "my PJs don't fit right" or "i had a bad dream"...

because tonite our liam has us up and we cannot figure out why.

he doesn't have the words.
he wants to have them and feels almost ashamed that he cannot express what he feels.

i ran to his side tonite and all i got in return was a plea for "juice". maybe he was thirsty? was he really? or did he say that because that is all he knows how to say???

kids his age would just say why, but we're asking all the wrong questions and getting nothing in return.

nights like this leave me feeling helpless.

and then i wake up and remember that life is worth living.
and that my liam will one day...ONE DAY...have a voice.

oh mamas.
please keep my heart in your prayers because it is breaking tonite.

Father God, please heal my boy.

6 comments:

Aimee said...

oh, Heather. Though I may not understand or even begin to even try, please know that you are NOT alone fighting for the healing of your little Liem. We are fighting with, slinging stones on your family's behalf. Never hesitate to ask for prayer I am interceeding. Healing dear Lord, complete healing as only through you for Liem this day. For this miracle is for the taking. We take in Your name. Amen.

Jeff and Amy McKissick said...

I once read a beautiful saying...God does not want you to do it - he wants to do it through you and for you! I'll be praying!

Kelle Ortiz said...

You are in my prayers, thoughts, and more thoughts and more prayers. I am your biggest cheer leader! You are not alone!! You are making a difference and making an amazing family. One day you will reap amazing blessings from all of this, I believe it with all my heart!!!!

Noni & Poppi said...

Heather, I have taken some time to think about Liam waking up w/out appropriate words to speak in the night. The thought that pops into my mind is that is God calling you, like Samuel, to pray. I never liked waking up or being awakened in the middle of the night, but I was your age when I started having God wake me, through various ways, to pray for what He wanted me to pray. This will start a deeper, more fulfilling relationship with God than you've had before. So, for this reason, you can rejoice each time you are awakened, because God will give you sound, and refreshing sleep. I love you and I'm so thankful to have you as my daughter. You are in my prayers!

granolachic said...

AMEN...praying with and for your and your family!!

M. Christensen said...

I am behind in reading blogs as you can see I am just getting to this post. The most frustrating thing in the world for me is not knowing what they need, I understand where you are right now and I am praying for you! One day our boys will be able to tell us!! Stay strong!