songs that have shaped me

timmy and i sometimes have a "youtube" night where we search for songs that have really "shaped" us growing up.

i thought i would start a little posting of those every now and then.

the first song that i want to add is a song that has literally gotten me through many hard times in my life.

i'm a "feel music deeply" girl and i'm also a "feel God in nature" girl, so this song gets me every time.

(listen to it loudly...and yeah, i usually tear up at the "newborn's cry at birth" part and i most often HAVE to raise my hands at the "i believe" part. feel free to do the same thing. *wink* )

my brave son

we spent the afternoon playing in the pool at lifetime fitness today.
it was a perfect afternoon for it!

we dropped cora off in the childcare and tim and i took liam and garland swimming.

i have been teaching liam to swim and he's been getting it...but today he was amazing!
he'll be swimming on his own by the end of the summer, i am sure.

well, the pool has these huge, amazing, two-story water slides. like super tall and fast.

liam was dead-set on going down one.

well, we asked the guard and learned that he must go down on his own and he can't wear a life vest.
since the kid can't swim yet, and the water at the landing is like 4 feet deep, we decided no.

he kept insisting that he wanted to "go big slide" and so finally i said what the heck.
i took him up the steps, told the lifeguard at the top to hold his hand until i went down the slide and then to tell him to go.

i went down, and waited for him.

sure enough, a little screaming-for-his-life liam arrived at the bottom of the slide.
i caught him, he was bawling!!
terrified!
i asked him if it was fun or scary? he immediately stopped crying and said, "FUN!" and "Go big slide again??"

LOL!

so timmy took him the next round.
liam got turned around halfway down that time and was screaming again.

tim asked "fun or scary?" liam said "scary" and "all done big slide!"

we were seriously cracking up.

i'm sure he'll want to go again the next time. brave boy.

family day!

tim and i both had the day off today, so we decided to have family day.
we went to sam's and then to the park. the kids had a blast swinging and sliding.

now timmy and i are in the kitchen whipping up some goodness for our grill nite.

i made a mustard potato salad with farmer chad's home grown organic potatoes (thanks for the csa box, jennifer!) and timmy is making a brine for our chicken before we put it on the grill. we're also having corn on the cobb - my fave. i love it especially right off the grill.
i think i should make a pitcher of sweet tea, don't you?
i can't wait for dinner! yummy!

family days are the best.

karate wasn't a hit

at least for today.

we went through the evaluation with the teacher a few days ago.
liam was awesome.
he punched when they said to.
he kicked when they said to.

the teacher said "yeah" and "he'll do great in class".

i left thinking "why am i so scared of this? it will be GOOD for him."

well, today was the first day of class.

i KNEW it from the get-go that he wasn't in the mood.

BUT! i told myself that just because he's autistic doesn't mean we're gonna skip out on things.
i was pumped and ready to go.
i put the "i can do this" face on.

i had a plan.
tim was working tonite which meant i had both the drama queens in tow.
i thought to myself that we would park right in front of the place (glass front) and i would leave the girls in the nice cool van watching a DVD while i overlooked liam in his class from the window.

well...all the good spots were taken, we had to park half a mile away and poo-poo on my awesome plan.

okay...plan B.

i loaded the drama queens into our (amazing, btw...best huge bucks i've ever spent) stroller and headed towards karate-ville.

that's when the light REALLY went on.

liam HATED the uniform.
he was overwhelmed at the amount of people there.
he went into "melt-down" mode.

but i kept on.
i told myself, "who cares what people think...we're gonna DO this!"

so i pushed him.

i had a few moments when all (and i mean ALL) eyes were on me.

it was the kindof "eyes on me" where everyone looking at me turned away and pretended that they weren't just staring when i looked around the room for a caring face.

yeah, that kind of look.

finally liam said to me..."go home?" and i swept him out of there as fast as i could.

on the way home i bawled my eyes out and argued with God about quite a few things.

why liam? why me? why? why? why?

maybe i was just trying too hard to help him fit in?

maybe all he really wants is time at home?

i don't know the answers.

i wish he could talk to me.

i guess i just wanted to share this for all the autie mamas that read my blog.

i'm right here with you.

maybe we'll try karate again.
maybe it was just a bad first reaction.
maybe we'll never be into group sports.

time will tell, but i sure as hell tried.